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Messages to Martha

Dear Mum,                                    

I have spent a lot of time this week in solitude, giving myself the time to integrate all the changes that have happened over the past few months. There are so many notebooks around the house with your beautiful words. It pains me to realise that you are not physically here with your magnificent presence.

How I dreamed that we would have decades more together. Now I am having to weave myself back together again without you here. But you are here with me always as you are part of my soul, my heart, my cells. I see you each time I see a white butterfly and I say "Hello Mum".

There is absolutely no replacement for your physical body. Your warm arms wrapped around my back, holding me close to your heart. Your funny sayings that will go on through us all. The only choice I have now is to become my own Mother and connect to the Infinite Mother that surrounds me always.

I am on an evolutionary path and you have given me the ultimate gift of learning to connect myself to the Universe that is always cradling me in her arms. This requires that I move from fear to trust every day. I can't connect when I go into fear and I can when I expand into trust.

Looking back on your notebooks you have always been preparing me for this. Training me to have the strength and courage to rise up to this grand adventure.

There is no beginning and no ending on this eternal journey. As you said to me "All we have is Now". So I take your words and I deepen into this present moment and truly acknowledge and appreciate all that I do have. I am blessed.

Love you for eternity,

Aisling xo