I hope you, Missus Claus and your fine family of reindeers and elves are top class this coming festive season. Yes I know you haven’t heard from me in a while but that’s not my fault. For some unfathomable reason once you reach teenagehood in Ireland, belief in Santa and magic is actively discouraged. There is no gradual transition, it’s like you were there one day and gone the next. Being honest I don’t think I’ve ever recovered.
There is a reason why you're the CEO of Christmas. You know what children want and you deliver. Right on time in the early hours of Christmas morning. I remember the magic, the anticipation of wondering if I’d been good enough to get what I wanted. It was the only night of the year when I went to bed on my own without being told or cajoled. I knew the score- behave well and the goods arrive. Brilliant formula.
Nowadays Christmas is in the hands of adults which makes it very hit and miss and sometimes so chaotic and stressful that I don’t know whether I’m coming or going. The latest is the upcycling of presents you don’t want that are passed onto someone else regardless of their personal taste. So the box of biscuits you received with a smile and an inner groan gets passed onto someone else who shudders at the idea of 100,000 calories and immediately shares it with the people at work.
This conveyor belt of madness has only one rule- do not under any circumstances return the gift you received to the person who gave it to you. The upcycled gifts in turn are recycled in January to a charity store where people buy them at rock bottom prices ready for the conveyor system for the coming festive season. You know how it is – you find a scarf or a Christmas candle and put it away for Aunt Melissa who on receipt of gift gives it to her friend from the running club who donates it to a local school charity night.
So this year you are reinstated. I affirm my belief in you. My list is ready. I’ve been good -well not consciously bad so there’s no need to send out scouts to monitor my behaviour.
I would really love a salt lamp because I stay inside more in the winter and seeing as they emit negative ions in small amounts, they could help my immune system. Their low light with orange hues is warm and nourishing. I’ll take two.
I hope you’ve a Neom Organic candle in stock seeing as it smells heavenly and so totally in keeping with the nativity theme. Last year’s artificial candle (an uncycled gift to me) hurt my lungs and made my eyes water.
Have you heard of bamboo socks? That’s right. They're the latest fashion fad for feet and my feet want them (very demanding toes). The bamboo is 100% sustainable and is totally biodegradable and above all they are pesticide free.
As I plan on having guests to stay and I want them to feel at ease in my home and most of all in my bathroom. There is nothing more stressful than having to do a poo in someone else’s house and having to disguise the smell by staying in the bathroom for longer than intended and pouring some expensive body wash down the toilet to disguise unsavoury aromas. With poo pourri my guests can poo in peace. Amen.
My hair wants Jason’s shampoo and conditioner. I always find this great value as it lasts longer than most other shampoos and they really condition my hair. Plus it has no nasties like parabens so it’s not going to interfere with my endocrine system.
My big present this year will have to be a Vitamix blender. I need a blender that has reliability and longevity as I plan to film cooking demos in the coming months. If you don’t have a Vitamix in stock, please don’t send me an alternative.
In 2017 I want to bounce my way into a new fitness regime. So I need an indoor rebounder that's safe and durable.
I’m so glad we’re back in touch after all these years. This Christmas will be the most magical of all. I'll be sure to have the customary Christmas pies (organic) and a glass of raw milk for you and some carrots for the reindeers.